SOME GENERAL BELIEFS ABOUT MARRIAGE THAT ARE NOT TRUE

FALSE 1:God has created one exact man for one woman

FALSE 2. God will find your spouse for you

FALSE 3. Marriage is your key to happiness. All you have to do is to just get married.You can be married and very lonely.

FALSE 4. Love is all you need for a successful marriage

TRUE 1:  There are many persons whom God has created that can fit in and become your spouse

TRUE 2: Man does the finding. The woman does the positioning. God does the supervising.

TRUE 3: Happiness is a choice. Marriage would not guarantee you happiness.

TRUE 4: Not everyone MUST marry. Some people are better of singles for the purpose of their assignments and life mission. Not everyone WILL marry. This is because of their attitude. Not everyone CAN marry

TRUE 5:Responsibility and commitments,the acts of love, is what sustains marriage, not feelings

9 REASONS LADIES DON’T GET MARRIED ON TIME

1. SELECTIVE BLINDNESS: Your husband rarely ever comes fully packaged.It takes vision to see that that man who doesn’t look it,is your husband

2.INDEPENDENCE: No man wants to marry a completely independent woman. You scare pontential husbands away. They are scared you would not submit.Rather than buy a car, imvest in a business as a woman. It is wisdom.

3.NASTY ATTITUDES: Like anger,pride,wrong use of words are major reasons.

4.RELIGION: Good girls don’t get married,it is good girls who are smart that do.Don’t let no Pastor choose for you.

5.PARENTAL INFLUENCE

6. DRESSING: When a Woman wants to marry she tones down on reckless dressing

7.ASSOCIATION: If all your friends are singles how do you expect to marry on time?

8.SPIRITUAL COVENANTS: Some women are married to spiritual men who have sex with them in their dreams and until they get delivered,they would not get married

9.DESTINY : Not every person is meant to be married, mostly because of the kind of assignment God has for them.

O LORD! I MARRIED THE DEVIL

We arrived the Murtala Airport late on Saturday evening from Dubai.The flight had been smooth.

My younger sister, Elsie, was there to receive us. The moment she saw us, she brightened, and edged closer. She was looking delectable.I have always envied her body and her beauty. I still do.

Her steps were very deliberately sensual.

Nsikak grinned

I wore dark shades.

“Ah ah Sister. What about the glasses?” My younger sister, Elsie ,said.

I smirked, and removed my shades.

“Ahh, what happened to you?” She asked. The mark of the devil hadn’t totally erased.

She exchanged glances with Oga and he cleared his throat and replied. ” Hmmm, she fell from one of the stairs in Dubai”

“Stair case? What happened?That is serious”, Elsie said, concern in her voice. “Sister, I hope you are now alright?”

“I took her to the hospital” he said, hugging me.

I nodded a sympathetic nod. And gave a fake smile again.

“Madam, welcome”. Akpan our driver, said,as he took our luggages from us.

“Akpan, aba die?”, Nsiskak said. They exchanged handshakes and both laughed heartily.

“Idioko”, Akpan responded in the midst of the laughter.

We were led by Akpan, our driver, to where the SUV was parked. And we returned home in silence.

For the next one month I had no intercourse with my husband. I stayed in my room. As a matter of fact, I locked it.

But after about a month, I relaxed. Nsiskak seemed to change. He was nice, apologized repeatedly about what happened in Dubai, and bought me gifts.

Work returned to normal. I returned to my Bank job after the leave and Nsikak kept traveling round for his preaching engagements.He had quite a lot within Uyo where we lived. You could actually see his pictures on a number of Bill Boards as invited guest for a number of church programs.

I didn’t tell anyone about the Dubai incident. I just let it pass. It was my cross. I remained the submissive wife.

4 months into my marriage, I was bored.But I returned back to staying with him in his room. He didn’t touch me or make any attempt.There was a huge gap between us when we slept on that bed.

There was no sex again.

No spark.

No desire.

Just memories of violation. Of rape. Of the beatings. Though it was far behind, I could still feel it as if it were yesterday.

And still I wanted a man, a decent man. Decent sex. The regular sex.

Now I was getting attracted to some of my co-workers. I desperately wanted to have sex with one of them. Any of them. Women, do understand this?

I was living in hell.

I went to work this Monday morning.

By 10 am there was a file my boss needed for me to provide. But it occurred to me that I had left it at home.

I hurried back home in my SUV.

I dashed into the house. The door was unlocked. Then I went to his room, opened the door to go fetch the file that most likely was at the side of the bed.

I heard moans and stopped dead in my track.

They were both underneath the sheet.

His head was the one I noticed first. There was no shock in his eyes.

Then I saw the next person and my jaw dropped!

“Akpan, what are you doing in my matrimonial bed?!”

MEN AND THEIR ROVING EYES: THE ART AND SIN OF ‘LOOKRY’

Almost all men commit this sin. Even the married men! Now the ones who don’t do it, probably don’t when their wife is with them.

Is having roving eyes a sin? Should men commit the so called ‘sin’ of ‘lookry’? Or How should they artfully do it?

A lady once said to me that it is okay for her man to ‘look’ but what she would not like is for him to go any further, like speak or worst still touch!

A certain man said to me that ‘lookry’ is inevitable and is not a sin…and it is not wrong to admire God’s shapely and beautiful creation

Now, before you start thinking this is a joke, hear what this married said to me when we discussed this.” George Essien all men look. I have seen even pastors look. My husband looks while he is driving the car but he does it stylishly. Those days I used to quarrel with him. Now, I don’t mind. When we are in the vehicle together and I see a fine lady, I tell him to look so that he doesn’t pretend and go further’

Hmmm. Some holier than thou people say it is outrightly a sin. This looking art is really an issue. One embittered single man said, ” Why wouldn’t married men look when their wives are busy growing fat with pot bellies. They no more look as attractive as they looked when they single and engaged”

And my thoughts?Well I can only say that we cannot do anything about what we see but we can do alot about what we meditate on.

DON’T TELL MY PASTOR

Akan came over to see me when he had really had it up to his neck. We sat at the office over 2 canned cokes as he told me his relationship ordeal. I had had to get him the drink to get him to chill. One could see that he was really worried.

“I met Emem in my Church”, he recounted his story almost regretfully. “She was in the ushering department so she was very noticeable. Her attitude was charming and really got my attention. When I asked her out, she told me to tell our pastor. I didn’t want to do. I thought we should know ourselves abit before I told my pastor. In reality, our pastor kicks against dating. He says dating is evil, that it is not in the bible and so being a daughter of this man of God she had to follow his precept.

“Well, I did without studying her or knowing who she was. When my pastor asked why I wanted to be around her, I had to say that I intended to marry her. We started our relationship, and pressure began to mount on me. To assure her, I met her mother and hinted my intentions to marry.

“Assured, Emem and I began to see regularly…and on one ocassion she came to my house and we both had sex. To be truthful, she did not want it to happen. I didn’t force her , though. We moved from heavy petting to sex. When she was done, she cried. She wasn’t a virgin but it did occur to me that she had abstained from sex for a long time. She told me that she would have to open up to our pastor. ‘open up ke’, I begged her not to tell our pastor and I promised her that I wouldn’t do it again.

“I was wrong. The next time we met, It happened again….and then again..and then again. Then one day she came and even asked for sex and I gave it to her. When we both get to church and hear what our pastor was saying about sex we would both feel guilty. Very guilty.

“But the sex was getting sweeter. We were bonding. I said to myself ,’this is the woman I must marry’. I could’t think of having sex with anyone else.I started making plans. I took her to my dad and my mother. Once she asked me ‘what if pastor asks whether we have had sex what would we say?’ I told her we would say no. After all, how are we so sure others were not doing it and pretending. Our pastor doesn’t wed people who have slept with each other. He also warned that anyone who allows him to wed them in lies would be cursed.

“Well, that is not all . Well, I was still worrying about that and thinking up ideas, when Emem came and told me she was pregnant.”

At this point I said aaaah.And then I asked, “Have you aborted it?”
“That is the fix I am in right now”, Akan told me. George, please help me.I can’t afford to tell my pastor. Emem is so depressed. She wants us to go and confess our sins.What do I do?”

Well, that just happened last week before I dashed into Lagos. Before I tell you what I told him, I would like to hear your views about the matter. Cheers.

SHOULD I FORGIVE HER?

Hello sir. I am Patrick Edet. I jUst read GEORGE ESSIEN ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION 144 on your wall that looks like mine…It was abOUt a guy deflowering a girl and the girl not being faithful due to peer pressure.Let me share my own story.

I am currently serving in imo state and there is this girl I like so much.She is 22 and she broke up with her guy a while ago because , according to her, they didnt have a future togeda.We were good friends even when she was dating the guy (her ex now) and all through her 5years of dating the guy, she never slept with him meaning she was still a virgin .

She came over to my place the other day and I told her I like her because I am just happy whenever we are togeher.Infact we started to date because I thought she was disciplined and had good principles .

I went to visit her last week saturday(8th) and she told me she will be going to her village on sunday(9th).On the Sunday, she went..we kept in contact all through that Sunday…but on thursday(13th), she called me up saying she had a confession to make.

She told me that when she went to the village on that Sunday that she got herself deflowered by her classmate back in secondary school. She had gone to visit that day. She claimed she doesn’t know how it happened and she apologized saying she knows she has really hurt me.

My problem now is that it hurts..I.am angry even when I don’t want to be.I now think less about her and don’t want to go on by courting her…..what’s ur advice?

ANSWER:

Most ladies I counsel claim to be virgins. When in truth that almost always isn’t true. She lied to you from the beginning. She was never a virgin. She realized that know that you are close, you may push it to marriage and found out that she isn’t truly a virgin and so cooked up the entire scenario.

Trust me on that.

Since you don’t seem to feel it for her, back off. A relationship built on lies would not last.

IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT MARRIAGE SINGLES SHOULD KNOW

1) Everyone marries for one or more reasons. The reasons may be right or wrong, good or bad, but everyone marries to have need(s) met.
2) Competent men and competent women may marry for different reasons, or take different paths to meet the same need, such as acceptance.
3) Each spouse expects their needs to be met. Some newlyweds understand that marriage is a two-way street. Others marry only to have their own needs met. Most people marry to have a spouse. Fewer people marry to be a spouse.
4) Each spouse absorbs gender perspectives while growing up that they carry into marriage.
5) Each spouse carries expectations to have fulfilled, as demanded by their gender-group.
6) Men and women often think that the others’ reasons for marriage are selfish. This creates anger that can harm a marriage.
7) Every spouse is acquired either as a trophy, as a consolation prize, as a workhorse, as a punishment, or some combination thereof. The spouse that began as a trophy can become a mere consolation prize, slightly better than being alone. That’s when the marriage is most vulnerable. Less often, the consolation prize becomes a marvelous trophy.
8) Like it or not, every successful organization has a chain of command. A stable family is an organization. Every lasting marriage has a chain of command, no matter how gentle.
9) Having said that, marriage is not meant to be a master/slave relationship. It is meant to be a servant/servant relationship. As we said before, we marry to have needs met. We serve each other as we meet legitimate needs, and we serve each other by challenging unrealistic needs. Unrealistic needs means unhappiness for everyone.
10) Love is not the only glue in a marriage. Some people stay married because of religious beliefs, social or family pressures, the needs of the children, or because of money. A marriage is in a dangerous place when love isn’t the first reason to stay married.

THE DELILAH STRATEGIES: HOW TO KEEP YOUR HUSBAND

For years now many pulpiteers and preachers have condemned Delilah as a prostitute and the one responsible for the ruining of the great man Samson.Of course she did.But then, I have this question for them: What made Samson keep coming back to Delilah even though he knew she wanted to find out the secret of his strength?

Could it have been just sex? I doubt. This is because there were prostitutes that Samson slept with but who didn’t have such infleunce over him to get him to come back.Or could it be that Delilah was the most beautiful girl in Philistine? I doubt that too.

I personally think that Delilah knew HOW TO KEEP HER MAN AT HOME.She knew how to make a man return back to her laps.

Here are few secrets I guessed she used and every woman can use to keep her man.IF A MAN IS UNFAITHFUL…THE WOMAN OBVIOUSLY HAS LOST GROUND AND HASN’T BEING DOING HER JOB WELL. Let me share with you some Strategies I feel can be of help.I call it….

DELILAH STRATEGIES:

DELILAH STRATEGY 1: SMELL GOOD; LOOK GOOD. Don’t dress in wrapper after you are married.When your husband comes back from work, what does he see? A woman wrapped like and old, worn out woman? But that is not what he sees at work on those lovely secretaries and co workers.

Don’t smell soup or smoke when he comes back from work.Smell good, romantic and be on your sexiest bump shot so that when he comes home, he wondering and staring at you.Prayer won’t keep your husband at home.This will!…prayers
come later on once you have done that.

DELILAH STRATEGY 2: COOK WELL. Your husband should WANT TO COME BACK HOME TO EAT YOUR MEALS.All that talk about the maid does that is foolish.After good sex, a good meal is what ANY MAN wants from his wife.Will your husband be able to call his friends over to his house to eat your meal? Sister, learn how to cook.Stop making excuses.

DELILAH STRATEGY 3: BE HIS NUMBER ONE ENCOURAGER: No one should praise your husband more than you.NO ONE.Let him know that you are his number one cheer leader.Ask him about his business.Don’t advice him, just listen to him. Listening is the biggest encouragement he can receive from you.

Tell him sometimes: “My lord, saviour of my body, the one who leads me…i admire you” Do you know that is scriptural?Submission is a charm. it activates love naturally.

Your husband is not your friend or partner, he is your Lord.Give him the honour.

DELILAH STRATEGY 4: GIVE HIM GOOD SEX. Let every sexual time be one he would remember. Read the book ART OF MARRIAGE by Tim Lahaye. It would be of great help. Don’t take your sexual lief for granted. Many do. I have talked with not less than 5 married men who complain about their wives inexperience and refusal to learn about sex.

Sex is an art.It can be learnt..but please do it in marriage. There is less guilt and you are on the side of God.God watches married people have sex.And he is disappointed when any of them goes away unfulfilled.He created it and believes that if we do it properly we can get it right.

All the best.

Young woman, y…

Young woman, your IDEAL MAN, yes that one in your list, that one you have been praying for in those Singles’ prayer meetings, is already MARRIED. Your husband is most likely a seed you have ignored.

SIGNS YOU ARE STILL MISSING YOUR EX

1. SOCIAL MEDIA LASHING: You trash talk him on twitter and Facebook.

2. OVERDRESSING AND OVERCOMPENSATING:
You dress up in hopes you will run into him and when you do see him, you make your life seem really awesome..because, obviously, you are better off without him and he should see what you are missing!

Yet, you have got to realize what you are missing in making him the center of your life.

3. YOU COMPARE EVERYONE TO HIM:
Even if you think you are ready to start dating again, every time you meet a new guy, you make a list of all the ways he doesn’t measure up to your ex. Once you are really over him, you will measure men on their own merits.

4. YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN THAT HOT DUDE GIVING YOU THE EYE:
You have men throwing themselves at you left and right, eager to love the pain away. When you ex calls, however, you pick up right away.

5. YOU STILL CYBER STALK HIM:
The other day you while you wandering about Facebook, you noticed that a cute girl had left a flirtatious message on your ex wall. So you attempted to hack into her Facebook account, and scoured the Facebook pages of your ex’s mom, sister and grand mother for even the subtlest mention of either you or a new romance. I want you to know: This is unhealthy…and possibly illegal.

6. YOU ARE STILL HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EX:
You still meet to have sex. Ex sex isn’t always a terrible idea..but it usually is. If you have recently broken up, you can’t have sex and expect that you won’t remain emotionally involved. So, straighten up.

7. YOU STILL HABOUR THE (NOT SO) SECRET FANTASY THAT THE TWO OF YOU STILL HAVE A FUTURE TOGETHER:
And this misguided belief is keeping you from living life or at least giving anyone new a chance to love you. While no one can really know what the future holds, it’s best to remember that break ups happen for a reason..And often, that reason was a good one. If you are holding back on your future, it is likely that you are stuck in the past.

Going through a terrible relationship break up can appear so crushing. You might believe you will never ever get over them. Or that your life will never be the same again. Although those feelings are very real in the first place, there is no reason to believe that you can’t get over it and move on.

Begin with closure.When a relationship comes to a horrible end, particularly if you are the one that was dumped just about all people need and require closure. This means that you have acknowledged the reality that relationship is over and you are ready to go on. You need to say it out loud and in your mind that the relationship is finished and believe it. If you believe there is a chance that you will get back together with your ex you will never be able to go on with your life.