DON’T TELL MY PASTOR

Akan came over to see me when he had really had it up to his neck. We sat at the office over 2 canned cokes as he told me his relationship ordeal. I had had to get him the drink to get him to chill. One could see that he was really worried.

“I met Emem in my Church”, he recounted his story almost regretfully. “She was in the ushering department so she was very noticeable. Her attitude was charming and really got my attention. When I asked her out, she told me to tell our pastor. I didn’t want to do. I thought we should know ourselves abit before I told my pastor. In reality, our pastor kicks against dating. He says dating is evil, that it is not in the bible and so being a daughter of this man of God she had to follow his precept.

“Well, I did without studying her or knowing who she was. When my pastor asked why I wanted to be around her, I had to say that I intended to marry her. We started our relationship, and pressure began to mount on me. To assure her, I met her mother and hinted my intentions to marry.

“Assured, Emem and I began to see regularly…and on one ocassion she came to my house and we both had sex. To be truthful, she did not want it to happen. I didn’t force her , though. We moved from heavy petting to sex. When she was done, she cried. She wasn’t a virgin but it did occur to me that she had abstained from sex for a long time. She told me that she would have to open up to our pastor. ‘open up ke’, I begged her not to tell our pastor and I promised her that I wouldn’t do it again.

“I was wrong. The next time we met, It happened again….and then again..and then again. Then one day she came and even asked for sex and I gave it to her. When we both get to church and hear what our pastor was saying about sex we would both feel guilty. Very guilty.

“But the sex was getting sweeter. We were bonding. I said to myself ,’this is the woman I must marry’. I could’t think of having sex with anyone else.I started making plans. I took her to my dad and my mother. Once she asked me ‘what if pastor asks whether we have had sex what would we say?’ I told her we would say no. After all, how are we so sure others were not doing it and pretending. Our pastor doesn’t wed people who have slept with each other. He also warned that anyone who allows him to wed them in lies would be cursed.

“Well, that is not all . Well, I was still worrying about that and thinking up ideas, when Emem came and told me she was pregnant.”

At this point I said aaaah.And then I asked, “Have you aborted it?”
“That is the fix I am in right now”, Akan told me. George, please help me.I can’t afford to tell my pastor. Emem is so depressed. She wants us to go and confess our sins.What do I do?”

Well, that just happened last week before I dashed into Lagos. Before I tell you what I told him, I would like to hear your views about the matter. Cheers.

IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT MARRIAGE SINGLES SHOULD KNOW

1) Everyone marries for one or more reasons. The reasons may be right or wrong, good or bad, but everyone marries to have need(s) met.
2) Competent men and competent women may marry for different reasons, or take different paths to meet the same need, such as acceptance.
3) Each spouse expects their needs to be met. Some newlyweds understand that marriage is a two-way street. Others marry only to have their own needs met. Most people marry to have a spouse. Fewer people marry to be a spouse.
4) Each spouse absorbs gender perspectives while growing up that they carry into marriage.
5) Each spouse carries expectations to have fulfilled, as demanded by their gender-group.
6) Men and women often think that the others’ reasons for marriage are selfish. This creates anger that can harm a marriage.
7) Every spouse is acquired either as a trophy, as a consolation prize, as a workhorse, as a punishment, or some combination thereof. The spouse that began as a trophy can become a mere consolation prize, slightly better than being alone. That’s when the marriage is most vulnerable. Less often, the consolation prize becomes a marvelous trophy.
8) Like it or not, every successful organization has a chain of command. A stable family is an organization. Every lasting marriage has a chain of command, no matter how gentle.
9) Having said that, marriage is not meant to be a master/slave relationship. It is meant to be a servant/servant relationship. As we said before, we marry to have needs met. We serve each other as we meet legitimate needs, and we serve each other by challenging unrealistic needs. Unrealistic needs means unhappiness for everyone.
10) Love is not the only glue in a marriage. Some people stay married because of religious beliefs, social or family pressures, the needs of the children, or because of money. A marriage is in a dangerous place when love isn’t the first reason to stay married.

THE DELILAH STRATEGIES: HOW TO KEEP YOUR HUSBAND

For years now many pulpiteers and preachers have condemned Delilah as a prostitute and the one responsible for the ruining of the great man Samson.Of course she did.But then, I have this question for them: What made Samson keep coming back to Delilah even though he knew she wanted to find out the secret of his strength?

Could it have been just sex? I doubt. This is because there were prostitutes that Samson slept with but who didn’t have such infleunce over him to get him to come back.Or could it be that Delilah was the most beautiful girl in Philistine? I doubt that too.

I personally think that Delilah knew HOW TO KEEP HER MAN AT HOME.She knew how to make a man return back to her laps.

Here are few secrets I guessed she used and every woman can use to keep her man.IF A MAN IS UNFAITHFUL…THE WOMAN OBVIOUSLY HAS LOST GROUND AND HASN’T BEING DOING HER JOB WELL. Let me share with you some Strategies I feel can be of help.I call it….

DELILAH STRATEGIES:

DELILAH STRATEGY 1: SMELL GOOD; LOOK GOOD. Don’t dress in wrapper after you are married.When your husband comes back from work, what does he see? A woman wrapped like and old, worn out woman? But that is not what he sees at work on those lovely secretaries and co workers.

Don’t smell soup or smoke when he comes back from work.Smell good, romantic and be on your sexiest bump shot so that when he comes home, he wondering and staring at you.Prayer won’t keep your husband at home.This will!…prayers
come later on once you have done that.

DELILAH STRATEGY 2: COOK WELL. Your husband should WANT TO COME BACK HOME TO EAT YOUR MEALS.All that talk about the maid does that is foolish.After good sex, a good meal is what ANY MAN wants from his wife.Will your husband be able to call his friends over to his house to eat your meal? Sister, learn how to cook.Stop making excuses.

DELILAH STRATEGY 3: BE HIS NUMBER ONE ENCOURAGER: No one should praise your husband more than you.NO ONE.Let him know that you are his number one cheer leader.Ask him about his business.Don’t advice him, just listen to him. Listening is the biggest encouragement he can receive from you.

Tell him sometimes: “My lord, saviour of my body, the one who leads me…i admire you” Do you know that is scriptural?Submission is a charm. it activates love naturally.

Your husband is not your friend or partner, he is your Lord.Give him the honour.

DELILAH STRATEGY 4: GIVE HIM GOOD SEX. Let every sexual time be one he would remember. Read the book ART OF MARRIAGE by Tim Lahaye. It would be of great help. Don’t take your sexual lief for granted. Many do. I have talked with not less than 5 married men who complain about their wives inexperience and refusal to learn about sex.

Sex is an art.It can be learnt..but please do it in marriage. There is less guilt and you are on the side of God.God watches married people have sex.And he is disappointed when any of them goes away unfulfilled.He created it and believes that if we do it properly we can get it right.

All the best.

SIGNS YOU ARE STILL MISSING YOUR EX

1. SOCIAL MEDIA LASHING: You trash talk him on twitter and Facebook.

2. OVERDRESSING AND OVERCOMPENSATING:
You dress up in hopes you will run into him and when you do see him, you make your life seem really awesome..because, obviously, you are better off without him and he should see what you are missing!

Yet, you have got to realize what you are missing in making him the center of your life.

3. YOU COMPARE EVERYONE TO HIM:
Even if you think you are ready to start dating again, every time you meet a new guy, you make a list of all the ways he doesn’t measure up to your ex. Once you are really over him, you will measure men on their own merits.

4. YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN THAT HOT DUDE GIVING YOU THE EYE:
You have men throwing themselves at you left and right, eager to love the pain away. When you ex calls, however, you pick up right away.

5. YOU STILL CYBER STALK HIM:
The other day you while you wandering about Facebook, you noticed that a cute girl had left a flirtatious message on your ex wall. So you attempted to hack into her Facebook account, and scoured the Facebook pages of your ex’s mom, sister and grand mother for even the subtlest mention of either you or a new romance. I want you to know: This is unhealthy…and possibly illegal.

6. YOU ARE STILL HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EX:
You still meet to have sex. Ex sex isn’t always a terrible idea..but it usually is. If you have recently broken up, you can’t have sex and expect that you won’t remain emotionally involved. So, straighten up.

7. YOU STILL HABOUR THE (NOT SO) SECRET FANTASY THAT THE TWO OF YOU STILL HAVE A FUTURE TOGETHER:
And this misguided belief is keeping you from living life or at least giving anyone new a chance to love you. While no one can really know what the future holds, it’s best to remember that break ups happen for a reason..And often, that reason was a good one. If you are holding back on your future, it is likely that you are stuck in the past.

Going through a terrible relationship break up can appear so crushing. You might believe you will never ever get over them. Or that your life will never be the same again. Although those feelings are very real in the first place, there is no reason to believe that you can’t get over it and move on.

Begin with closure.When a relationship comes to a horrible end, particularly if you are the one that was dumped just about all people need and require closure. This means that you have acknowledged the reality that relationship is over and you are ready to go on. You need to say it out loud and in your mind that the relationship is finished and believe it. If you believe there is a chance that you will get back together with your ex you will never be able to go on with your life.

Finger Painting Girls!

They are everywhere!

All they know how to do is look good. They can’t cook, are not domesticated, and want to rule a man in the household.

Everything about them is artificial. Their breast is artificial. Their nails are artificial. Their eye lashes are artificial. Even their attitude is artificial.

They claim to be career women…when actually they use career to hide their non feminine, non ‘wify’ tendencies.

If they get married…they rule the home.

Smart guys spot them quickly and avoid them.

Is finger painting bad? Well, no if it is done moderately. Beyond the finger painting and good looks, a wife should be able to juggle well between her career and her home

THE BEST OF SINGLES’ QUOTES BY GEORGE ESSIEN – PART 1

When a woman becomes a wife in attitude and character,HER HUSBAND SHOWS UP.The reason why most women are not married on time is because they are not yet wives; they are still girls.

Men marry wives,but sleep with girls.

Don’t marry from where you are coming from; marry from where you are going to

Don’t ignore the signs.Address them quickly.
Confrontation reveals character.It is the platform for the display of emotional maturity

Don’t marry a ‘dutiful’ wife…..marry A FRIEND.

God tests every relationship at the point of its motive.

She WON’T GROW SLIMMER in the future.If your preference is for slim,sleek ladies, go for that.And if it is for fat, round ladies,go for that.That lady won’t add weight in the future…In fact, LOOK AT HER MOTHER AND YOU CAN DETERMINE HOW SHE WOULD LOOK LIKE PHYSICALLY

Don’t marry anyone if you are NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED to the person.
Don’t spiritualize everything.Physical chemistry is important TOO

DON’T pray in the same room with your fiance(e).That is not being spiritual.That is foolishness.You will end up both having sex!There is a thin line between SPIRITUALITY and SEXUALITY.Both are intercourse.

Avoid dating people who want you to handle their emotional issues. The moment you send yourself on a rescue mission that relationship is doomed for failure.

When a man marries a GOOD WIFE, he is very happy;
When he marries a BAD WIFE, HE BECOMES A PHILOSOPHER
Be careful who you marry.

If you are a lady past 30 and now desperately moving from one singles program to the other, I really don’t pity you. Your husband showed up in your 20s but he didnt look like it and you ignored him.No pity, girl.

A man can love a woman and not have sex with her; and yet not love a woman and still ‘enjoy’ sex with her.
Not so with a woman. Most women have sex with men they love; or have sex with a man and then expect the man to ‘love’ them.

Love is not just a feeling, it is a knowledge; a knowledge that grows over time. Feelings fluctuate and are not too dependable.If you are ever in doubt whether you love that person, give it time.Time reveals true love

Remember that WIFE means

W – Wonderful
I – Investment
F – For
E – Enjoyment

SELFISHNESS from either one of the couple is responsible for any sour relationship. Wherever or whenever there is a break up or divorce,check closely PRIDE played a major role.

People who have been hurt,hurt others.People who have been loved ,love others

The THREAT and FEAR of break up is more tormenting than the ACTUAL break up

It’s foolishness to disconnect from your friends because you are in a relationship with someone.If the person takes a walk,what would you do without your friends?

When peace is replaced with doubt in your heart concerning that relationship,then God is saying something.It’s time to pause and think.

Love means many things.But one thing I know love isn’t is that love isnt uncertain

Some people don’t deserve the love you give them.Give no person your heart, only your head until you are married.

Don’t run away from confrontation. A confrontation will give you revelation. To walk away or to continue becomes clearer. Too much quarrel that ends with physical abuse is a danger sign. It is saying , ‘Quit!’

Young man, don’t marry a woman that cannot COOK.

HOW TO COPE WITH A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

Keeping a relationship vibrant and healthy when you live in the same area is challenging enough. But when couples are separated by geographical distance, it puts extra strain on the partnership. Issues surrounding trust,commitment,communication, and finances are exacerbated and complicated in long-distance relationships. Here are eight strategies that can help you thrive in a long-distance relationship.

1. Define the parameters – together.

Sit down together and map out this new long-distance arrangement. For each of you, what are your concerns? How often will you visit? What about relationship worries, such as intimacy, jealousy and trust? Get everything out into the open from the get-go so you can both begin this new adventure on the same footing.

2. See its benefits and look at the upside.

One or both of you may feel distressed about this unwelcome separation. One way to transform your negative outlook is to “reframe” the situation. That is, try to view the long-distance relationship in a positive light. How might living apart for a finite amount of time be beneficial? For example, you’ll have more time to do your own thing. You won’t take each other for granted. Your reunions will be sexy and exciting. It’s a vertical career move. And so on. See if you can each come up with at least three benefits.

3. Make a future plan.

Ask your partner: Where do you see us in one year? How about five years? Talk about what each of you can do, in the context of living apart, that will make this future vision come true. Having shared goals is one of the keys to a happy relationship, and doing this activity subtly reminds each of you that you’re working as a team. Living in separate homes does not mean you have to lead separate lives and have separate futures.

4. Establish frequent and regular contact.

Set up regular phone or Skype dates. Communicate every day, more than once, if possible. It’s critically important, when two people are unable to have physical intimacy, to maintain an emotional bond.
Even if your partner isn’t really a “talker,” find ways to stay in touch. If she hates being on the phone, then email, text or instant message each other.
Share your little triumphs and tragedies, or just something funny that happened during the day.Ask about each other’s day. Get to know what a “day in the life” of your partner looks like.

5. Schedule face time.

Talking, video chatting and writing are all great. But to maintain a romantic relationship, you need to make the time to see each other face-to-face.
Together, go over your work, family and other obligations and then schedule times when you’ll visit. It’s also important for the stay-at-home partner to visit the relocated one so that he or she has more than a verbal description of the partner’s
other home, city and favorite haunts.

6. Don’t keep secrets.

Transparency and inclusion are the two most important defenses against jealously, suspicion, and paranoia. Tell your partner about the people in your life. Don’t omit events or interactions simply because they might inspire a twinge of jealousy. It’s natural that each of you will experience loneliness from time to time. But you can keep yourself from acting on it – and keep your partner from worrying
that you will – by disclosing your feelings andgiving lots of details about your life.

7. Keep reinventing the romance.

This is my favorite strategy, because it’s the one that’s the most fun and rewarding. Surprise your partner with a love letter or a gift. Send him a spontaneous email Keep each other smiling.

HOW TO MARRY THE WRONG PERSON

SINGLE BUT NOT STUPID 137:

How many couples are truly really happy in their marriages? If they want to be sincere with you, many of them are just tagging along. If they had a choice today would they still marry that man, that woman?

Consider the Saturday event that went literally viral on the internet, especially among bloggers. Solomon Akiyesi, popular Nollywood actor, tried to play a fast one on his wife. He left his pregnant wife in Portharcourt under the guise that he was going to shoot a movie in Lagos only for it to be discovered that he was going to wed his pregnant mistress somewhere at a church in Lagos. News had got to his wife who travelled all the way from portharcourt and stormed the church, disrupting the wedding.

When asked why he did what he did, Solomon Akiyesi simply said, “My marriage wasn’t just it” He had dated that lady for 7 years before marrying her for another 6 years. Making it a total of 13 years. Yet what did he say? “My marriage wasn’t just it”

How many couples are in such mess today? Plenty of them. They marry for stupid reasons and after struggling for many years…either scream their issues , walk away or do something as desperate as Solomon Akiyesi.

You don’t have to marry and be frustrated.You deserve to be happy. Let me share with you some ideas that would help you not marry the wrong person.I will show you this by reverse logic

How To Marry The Wrong Person

1. MARRY A PERSON BECAUSE AGE IS NOT ON YOUR SIDE: Research has it that people who marry early have a higher chance of breaking up or staying frustrated in marriage.The reason is because are usually too young to know what they really want. Mature people who marry in their late 20s and early 30s tend to know what they want, having experienced life, and can make informed choices that make and keep them happy for longer periods. Never hurry into marriage because you think you are old. Remember that your age gives you the advantage of experience. Take your time and make your decision.

2.MARRY A GOOD PERSON INSTEAD OF A GODLY PERSON: There is a difference.A good person goes to church, a godly person is church! A good person is nice and not a believer of Christ, a godly person is of the faith. Marry christian, someone who believes in Jesus.Never compromise that.

3. MARRY A PERSON WHO TAKES ACOHOLIC DRINKS: Yes, you heard me very right. A person who drinks is a potential cheater(Most people who drink cheat on their spouse). The person is a waster( Since drinking is addictive the person will waste money and resources). The person is a potential fighter.In the case of the man, chances are that he would beat his wife. For the woman, she will verbally abuse her husband and fight him.

4.MARRY A PERSON WHO IS NOT GOING YOUR WAY: Love doesn’t keep a marriage. Yes it can start the process of marriage….but it is similar values that keeps a marriage together.

5.MARRY A PERSON BECAUSE HE HAS POTENTIAL OR RESOURCES: Don’t get it twisted. The so called potential spoken of by that man who wants to marry you is still that…words. The most important thing is not that the man has potential but THE CONVICTION IN YOU THAT GIVES YOU PEACE TO MARRY HIM WITH OR WITHOUT ANYTHING. Also, the fact that the fellow is rich today is not proof that he would remain rich….It boils down to convictions.

6 MARRY A PERSON YOU HAVE HAD PREMARITAL SEX WITH: 90 percent of the weddings aren’t really holy matrimony as they put on their wedding cards. God in His wisdom says to leave the bed undefiled. You in your so called wisdom say , ‘how can marry someone i have not tested?’. Tomorrow you want God to be involved in your marriage. How can that be? Do it God’s way….and you are marrying right. Do it the other way…and no matter how anyone wants to garnish it…you are marrying wrong.

There are a lot more. But feed on these for now.

SOLOMON AKEYESI’S DOUBLE MARRIAGE PALAVA!

Married actor, Solomon Akiyesi, left his 8 months pregnant wife in Port Harcourt and came to Lagos to marry his mistress, Uloma Agwu

This sounds like something out of a movie, but it’s real life. Let me tell you guys the story. Nollywood actor, Solomon Akiyesi married Lilian Akiyesi seven years ago, after the two dated for six years.
So they’ve been together for thirteen years. After trying for years to conceive, Lilian finally got pregnant last year…but unknown to her, her husband was having an affair with a Lagos based lady. (Lilian and Solomon are based in Port Harcourt).

Solomon’s Lagos based girlfriend got pregnant and the two started planning a wedding that was supposed to take place today April 13th. Fortunately for Lilian, she got wind of the wedding plans just days ago. And according to what her friend told me, Solomon sent money to Lilian just yesterday Friday April 12th and promised to return home next week. He told Lilian that he was in Lagos to shoot a movie.

When Lilian confirmed the wedding was really going to happen today, she contacted the police, took some family members and friends and stormed the wedding venue – Overcomers World Outreach located at Overcomers Close, off Ramlat Timson str, in Aguda, Surulere.

Lilian, who is eight months pregnant, stormed the church and managed to stop the wedding before the pastor could pronounce her husband and his mistress ‘husband and wife’. The police were later called to return sanity to the place

COMPATIBILITY TESTS BEFORE YOU SAY “I DO”

(1)VALUE TEST.Do u both share similar Philosophies,Faith,Spiritual Perceptions?Do u share similar or Complimentary Passions?

(2)QUARREL TEST. Have u quarreled b4 and forgiven each other or do u keep a grudge?Is it easy to forgive the person?If it is hard then there is an issue here

(3)PHYSICAL ATTRACTION TEST.Is there a chemist…ry btw the two of u?

(4)APPROVAL TEST.Do ur family,close friends, spiritual head approve?Most importantly, does God approve?All others are secondary if God approves.

(5)RESPECT TEST. Can u respect that man?Can u be proud of the man?Do u respect the woman as a wife,mother.

(6)LOVE TEST. If u are in doubt whether u love someone,give urself time.Time reveals truth abt love.Time distinguishes infatuation from love.

(7)TOLERANCE TEST. Can u tolerate his/her nasty,petty habits?Do u think u can suffer long with this person in sickness or in health?