THE BEST OF SINGLE BUT NOT STUPID QUOTES BY GEORGE ESSIEN

God doesn’t command us that we must marry the one we love, that is, the one we have strong feelings for.But He however commands that we must love the one that we marry.

Men love flowers too! Surprise your man with a gift that says you care also and watch his reaction,his smile,his joy.Do it today.

It’s good girls who keep the pregnancy and have the child.Bad girls no dey carry belle.

We will die if we don’t have food and water in many days. But we will not die because we didn’t have sex in many days.

When you marry your best friend you bring back a little piece of your childhood

Marriage is a collision of two histories, not Just 2 people. We don’t marry people, we marry histories

It is very dangerous to marry any individual who doesn’t have a pastor. A woman without a pastor will be unsubmissive. A man without a pastor will be a drunk and wife beater.

If you don’t want to tell him about the abortion, at least don’t tell him you are a virgin

Somewhere out there is someone who wants exactly the kind of person you are,complete with all the flaws and failings you come with.And let me tell you something else: they won’t even see them as flaws and failings.They will see them as part of your unique charm.And they will be right.

Knowing when to walk away is wisdom. Being able to walk away takes courage. Walking away with your head high is dignity

There are 6 IMPORTANT QUESTIONS EVERY MAN SHOULD ASK A WOMAN HE INTENDS TO MARRY: (1) Tell me about your salvation experience.Are you born again? (2) Who is your pastor? (3) Having heard my life vision,can you follow me? (4) In what ways will you serve as a HELP MATE? (5) I don’t want surprises.Can you tell me everything about your past,including your Exs. (6) Are you a good cook?

God created ADAM and EVE, not ADAM and STEVE

You are not compatible with because you LOVE him or her.You are compatible with him or her because you KNOW him or her

Never compare your present relationship with your ex. Compare him or her with your values

Single people keep saying, “O I WISH I was married” ; Married people would often say, “O I WISH I had waited a bit”.

Funny world we live in.Some men see a wife material and treat her as a girl friend. Some others meet a mere girl friend and treat her as a wife .

‘All my friends are getting married!’ So what?It’s not about getting married.It’s about staying married and being happy.You deserve the best.Don’t be tempted to rush.

Most African women marry for financial security and miss out on that beautiful feeling and joy called love. They live boring lives with a man they sincerely don’t connect with,enduring the marriage through the years.Very few marry for love.And those who marry for love work out their financial security together and get it eventually,haven’t you noticed?Then they have the two – love and finance. Romance and finance.Food for thought.

When you find the person who really makes you laugh more than anyone else, marry them. That is my advice.

You don’t have to wear a white wedding gown for your wedding.How about trying sky blue or lemon or light pink.Some people say the white symbolise sexual purity.Abeg! How many couples come to the altar sexually pure? White or no white, God knows the chaste couples. A change from the boring tradition will do.Afterall, in those days, in the 1800s in England where we borrowed this suit and gown thing from,women used to wear black!

For God’s sake where did we get this culture of a couple giving gifts to their guest at their wedding?They should be receiving gifts – lots of them! Not spending money to give people gifts for attending their wedding.It’s crazy. Odd. I’m at this wedding yesterday.The couple dole several gifts and soveniers.Trust Nigerians.They hustle for the gifts,even quarell. The ceremony ends.How much gifts does the couple go home with?Not so much.In fact, ridiculously small.Listen: you are not obligated to give anyone any gifts at your wedding ceremony.SELAH

When someone decides to leave, please let them go.People are like clothes; you can never be naked no matter how poor you are.

Money only impresses broke girls. When a woman works hard, a man with money is only a bonus and not a ladder for upgrade.

Not everyone is doing ‘it’….there are still couples who honour the marriage bed. They keep sex until after their wedding vows at the altar.God eventually honours the couple that does it the scripture way-no sex until after marriage.

No matter the rate of heart breaks and number of divorce, there is still long-lasting, committed love.Don’t you ever stop believing that for yourself.

We tend to judge others based on their ACTIONS and judge ourselves based on our INTENTIONS.

I don’t beleive in ‘love at first sight’.Love takes time to grow. It doesn’t just happen at the first, second or even third sighting.

DON’T TELL MY PASTOR

Akan came over to see me when he had really had it up to his neck. We sat at the office over 2 canned cokes as he told me his relationship ordeal. I had had to get him the drink to get him to chill. One could see that he was really worried.

“I met Emem in my Church”, he recounted his story almost regretfully. “She was in the ushering department so she was very noticeable. Her attitude was charming and really got my attention. When I asked her out, she told me to tell our pastor. I didn’t want to do. I thought we should know ourselves abit before I told my pastor. In reality, our pastor kicks against dating. He says dating is evil, that it is not in the bible and so being a daughter of this man of God she had to follow his precept.

“Well, I did without studying her or knowing who she was. When my pastor asked why I wanted to be around her, I had to say that I intended to marry her. We started our relationship, and pressure began to mount on me. To assure her, I met her mother and hinted my intentions to marry.

“Assured, Emem and I began to see regularly…and on one ocassion she came to my house and we both had sex. To be truthful, she did not want it to happen. I didn’t force her , though. We moved from heavy petting to sex. When she was done, she cried. She wasn’t a virgin but it did occur to me that she had abstained from sex for a long time. She told me that she would have to open up to our pastor. ‘open up ke’, I begged her not to tell our pastor and I promised her that I wouldn’t do it again.

“I was wrong. The next time we met, It happened again….and then again..and then again. Then one day she came and even asked for sex and I gave it to her. When we both get to church and hear what our pastor was saying about sex we would both feel guilty. Very guilty.

“But the sex was getting sweeter. We were bonding. I said to myself ,’this is the woman I must marry’. I could’t think of having sex with anyone else.I started making plans. I took her to my dad and my mother. Once she asked me ‘what if pastor asks whether we have had sex what would we say?’ I told her we would say no. After all, how are we so sure others were not doing it and pretending. Our pastor doesn’t wed people who have slept with each other. He also warned that anyone who allows him to wed them in lies would be cursed.

“Well, that is not all . Well, I was still worrying about that and thinking up ideas, when Emem came and told me she was pregnant.”

At this point I said aaaah.And then I asked, “Have you aborted it?”
“That is the fix I am in right now”, Akan told me. George, please help me.I can’t afford to tell my pastor. Emem is so depressed. She wants us to go and confess our sins.What do I do?”

Well, that just happened last week before I dashed into Lagos. Before I tell you what I told him, I would like to hear your views about the matter. Cheers.

IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT MARRIAGE SINGLES SHOULD KNOW

1) Everyone marries for one or more reasons. The reasons may be right or wrong, good or bad, but everyone marries to have need(s) met.
2) Competent men and competent women may marry for different reasons, or take different paths to meet the same need, such as acceptance.
3) Each spouse expects their needs to be met. Some newlyweds understand that marriage is a two-way street. Others marry only to have their own needs met. Most people marry to have a spouse. Fewer people marry to be a spouse.
4) Each spouse absorbs gender perspectives while growing up that they carry into marriage.
5) Each spouse carries expectations to have fulfilled, as demanded by their gender-group.
6) Men and women often think that the others’ reasons for marriage are selfish. This creates anger that can harm a marriage.
7) Every spouse is acquired either as a trophy, as a consolation prize, as a workhorse, as a punishment, or some combination thereof. The spouse that began as a trophy can become a mere consolation prize, slightly better than being alone. That’s when the marriage is most vulnerable. Less often, the consolation prize becomes a marvelous trophy.
8) Like it or not, every successful organization has a chain of command. A stable family is an organization. Every lasting marriage has a chain of command, no matter how gentle.
9) Having said that, marriage is not meant to be a master/slave relationship. It is meant to be a servant/servant relationship. As we said before, we marry to have needs met. We serve each other as we meet legitimate needs, and we serve each other by challenging unrealistic needs. Unrealistic needs means unhappiness for everyone.
10) Love is not the only glue in a marriage. Some people stay married because of religious beliefs, social or family pressures, the needs of the children, or because of money. A marriage is in a dangerous place when love isn’t the first reason to stay married.

THE DELILAH STRATEGIES: HOW TO KEEP YOUR HUSBAND

For years now many pulpiteers and preachers have condemned Delilah as a prostitute and the one responsible for the ruining of the great man Samson.Of course she did.But then, I have this question for them: What made Samson keep coming back to Delilah even though he knew she wanted to find out the secret of his strength?

Could it have been just sex? I doubt. This is because there were prostitutes that Samson slept with but who didn’t have such infleunce over him to get him to come back.Or could it be that Delilah was the most beautiful girl in Philistine? I doubt that too.

I personally think that Delilah knew HOW TO KEEP HER MAN AT HOME.She knew how to make a man return back to her laps.

Here are few secrets I guessed she used and every woman can use to keep her man.IF A MAN IS UNFAITHFUL…THE WOMAN OBVIOUSLY HAS LOST GROUND AND HASN’T BEING DOING HER JOB WELL. Let me share with you some Strategies I feel can be of help.I call it….

DELILAH STRATEGIES:

DELILAH STRATEGY 1: SMELL GOOD; LOOK GOOD. Don’t dress in wrapper after you are married.When your husband comes back from work, what does he see? A woman wrapped like and old, worn out woman? But that is not what he sees at work on those lovely secretaries and co workers.

Don’t smell soup or smoke when he comes back from work.Smell good, romantic and be on your sexiest bump shot so that when he comes home, he wondering and staring at you.Prayer won’t keep your husband at home.This will!…prayers
come later on once you have done that.

DELILAH STRATEGY 2: COOK WELL. Your husband should WANT TO COME BACK HOME TO EAT YOUR MEALS.All that talk about the maid does that is foolish.After good sex, a good meal is what ANY MAN wants from his wife.Will your husband be able to call his friends over to his house to eat your meal? Sister, learn how to cook.Stop making excuses.

DELILAH STRATEGY 3: BE HIS NUMBER ONE ENCOURAGER: No one should praise your husband more than you.NO ONE.Let him know that you are his number one cheer leader.Ask him about his business.Don’t advice him, just listen to him. Listening is the biggest encouragement he can receive from you.

Tell him sometimes: “My lord, saviour of my body, the one who leads me…i admire you” Do you know that is scriptural?Submission is a charm. it activates love naturally.

Your husband is not your friend or partner, he is your Lord.Give him the honour.

DELILAH STRATEGY 4: GIVE HIM GOOD SEX. Let every sexual time be one he would remember. Read the book ART OF MARRIAGE by Tim Lahaye. It would be of great help. Don’t take your sexual lief for granted. Many do. I have talked with not less than 5 married men who complain about their wives inexperience and refusal to learn about sex.

Sex is an art.It can be learnt..but please do it in marriage. There is less guilt and you are on the side of God.God watches married people have sex.And he is disappointed when any of them goes away unfulfilled.He created it and believes that if we do it properly we can get it right.

All the best.

SIGNS YOU ARE STILL MISSING YOUR EX

1. SOCIAL MEDIA LASHING: You trash talk him on twitter and Facebook.

2. OVERDRESSING AND OVERCOMPENSATING:
You dress up in hopes you will run into him and when you do see him, you make your life seem really awesome..because, obviously, you are better off without him and he should see what you are missing!

Yet, you have got to realize what you are missing in making him the center of your life.

3. YOU COMPARE EVERYONE TO HIM:
Even if you think you are ready to start dating again, every time you meet a new guy, you make a list of all the ways he doesn’t measure up to your ex. Once you are really over him, you will measure men on their own merits.

4. YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN THAT HOT DUDE GIVING YOU THE EYE:
You have men throwing themselves at you left and right, eager to love the pain away. When you ex calls, however, you pick up right away.

5. YOU STILL CYBER STALK HIM:
The other day you while you wandering about Facebook, you noticed that a cute girl had left a flirtatious message on your ex wall. So you attempted to hack into her Facebook account, and scoured the Facebook pages of your ex’s mom, sister and grand mother for even the subtlest mention of either you or a new romance. I want you to know: This is unhealthy…and possibly illegal.

6. YOU ARE STILL HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EX:
You still meet to have sex. Ex sex isn’t always a terrible idea..but it usually is. If you have recently broken up, you can’t have sex and expect that you won’t remain emotionally involved. So, straighten up.

7. YOU STILL HABOUR THE (NOT SO) SECRET FANTASY THAT THE TWO OF YOU STILL HAVE A FUTURE TOGETHER:
And this misguided belief is keeping you from living life or at least giving anyone new a chance to love you. While no one can really know what the future holds, it’s best to remember that break ups happen for a reason..And often, that reason was a good one. If you are holding back on your future, it is likely that you are stuck in the past.

Going through a terrible relationship break up can appear so crushing. You might believe you will never ever get over them. Or that your life will never be the same again. Although those feelings are very real in the first place, there is no reason to believe that you can’t get over it and move on.

Begin with closure.When a relationship comes to a horrible end, particularly if you are the one that was dumped just about all people need and require closure. This means that you have acknowledged the reality that relationship is over and you are ready to go on. You need to say it out loud and in your mind that the relationship is finished and believe it. If you believe there is a chance that you will get back together with your ex you will never be able to go on with your life.

Finger Painting Girls!

They are everywhere!

All they know how to do is look good. They can’t cook, are not domesticated, and want to rule a man in the household.

Everything about them is artificial. Their breast is artificial. Their nails are artificial. Their eye lashes are artificial. Even their attitude is artificial.

They claim to be career women…when actually they use career to hide their non feminine, non ‘wify’ tendencies.

If they get married…they rule the home.

Smart guys spot them quickly and avoid them.

Is finger painting bad? Well, no if it is done moderately. Beyond the finger painting and good looks, a wife should be able to juggle well between her career and her home

3AMAZING LADIES WHO RUN THEIR NGOS AND TOUCH LIVES

I first met Uduakabasi Okon in 2007 at a Mr. Biggs restaurant, Ikot Ekpene Road. Sincerely, at that period she was going through some relationship issues. But one thing that I remember about those eyes of hers was that they were determined eyes

Yes, she was a single mother. She had returned back from Lagos to Uyo , but she was determined to make something out of her life.After we talked, I told her to come to my office and I put her through some personal development training. She went through a program we call PROGRAM 7: THE 7 MOST IMPORTANT SKILLS IN LIFE. Uduakabasi Okon didn’t only go through this program she grew so fast and became a teacher of that program in PowerMinds Community.

Today, she runs a school called Elsha Vocational School, which has trained scores of people and runs a radio program in Uyo. People now call her mentor! It is amazing how a person whose life didn’t seem to have a direction suddenly had one.

Nikky-baby Israel Eshiet came for my special FACEBOOK LUNCH TIME OUT in February 11, 2012. After that, she stuck.She also was a single mother…but after an encounter with our program PROGRAM 7, she turned her mess into a message. Today, she runs an NGO called NIKKY & KIDS and is doing very well at it. Last year at the Women in Business Conference, she testified about how her life had truly made progress.

Eno-obong George always wanted to publish her book. She was directed to me.And we made it come true! But she didn’t stop there…she attended our program for Public Speakers and became certified as a speaker by PowerMinds.
Today, she runs her NGO in Oron, Akwa Ibom State and also runs a blog!

If they can , you too can!

Choose to be relevant.

Encounter….CHANGE through our programs

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SHOULD I ACCEPT HIS PROPOSAL NOW?

GEORGE ESSIEN ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION 149

My name is Itoro Effiong. I’m through with with my University education and I am presently working.The person who proposed marriage to me is doing his NYSC and just got a scholarship to go abroad for his Masters.He insists he wants to get married to me before going abroad. I love him, though.The issue is that this guy was actually sponsored by my parents through his University education. My parents know that we are close but don’t know of his intention to marry me before he goes for his Masters.

Please advice me on the kind of decision to make. I want to know the kind of decision to make in this case. Should I accept his proposal for marriage or allow him to go and come back?

ANSWER:

It is obvious that he loves you and wants to give you assurance that he is yours. It all depends on how much you love him. You may proceed with the marriage. At the same time, you may wish to tell him that you would wait for him. Afterall, the Masters program will not go beyond 1 or 2 years.

So pray about it. Which ever decision you make will end up being good, especially when you are sure he is the kind of man that you would want to settle with. All the best.

HOW TO MARRY THE WRONG PERSON

SINGLE BUT NOT STUPID 137:

How many couples are truly really happy in their marriages? If they want to be sincere with you, many of them are just tagging along. If they had a choice today would they still marry that man, that woman?

Consider the Saturday event that went literally viral on the internet, especially among bloggers. Solomon Akiyesi, popular Nollywood actor, tried to play a fast one on his wife. He left his pregnant wife in Portharcourt under the guise that he was going to shoot a movie in Lagos only for it to be discovered that he was going to wed his pregnant mistress somewhere at a church in Lagos. News had got to his wife who travelled all the way from portharcourt and stormed the church, disrupting the wedding.

When asked why he did what he did, Solomon Akiyesi simply said, “My marriage wasn’t just it” He had dated that lady for 7 years before marrying her for another 6 years. Making it a total of 13 years. Yet what did he say? “My marriage wasn’t just it”

How many couples are in such mess today? Plenty of them. They marry for stupid reasons and after struggling for many years…either scream their issues , walk away or do something as desperate as Solomon Akiyesi.

You don’t have to marry and be frustrated.You deserve to be happy. Let me share with you some ideas that would help you not marry the wrong person.I will show you this by reverse logic

How To Marry The Wrong Person

1. MARRY A PERSON BECAUSE AGE IS NOT ON YOUR SIDE: Research has it that people who marry early have a higher chance of breaking up or staying frustrated in marriage.The reason is because are usually too young to know what they really want. Mature people who marry in their late 20s and early 30s tend to know what they want, having experienced life, and can make informed choices that make and keep them happy for longer periods. Never hurry into marriage because you think you are old. Remember that your age gives you the advantage of experience. Take your time and make your decision.

2.MARRY A GOOD PERSON INSTEAD OF A GODLY PERSON: There is a difference.A good person goes to church, a godly person is church! A good person is nice and not a believer of Christ, a godly person is of the faith. Marry christian, someone who believes in Jesus.Never compromise that.

3. MARRY A PERSON WHO TAKES ACOHOLIC DRINKS: Yes, you heard me very right. A person who drinks is a potential cheater(Most people who drink cheat on their spouse). The person is a waster( Since drinking is addictive the person will waste money and resources). The person is a potential fighter.In the case of the man, chances are that he would beat his wife. For the woman, she will verbally abuse her husband and fight him.

4.MARRY A PERSON WHO IS NOT GOING YOUR WAY: Love doesn’t keep a marriage. Yes it can start the process of marriage….but it is similar values that keeps a marriage together.

5.MARRY A PERSON BECAUSE HE HAS POTENTIAL OR RESOURCES: Don’t get it twisted. The so called potential spoken of by that man who wants to marry you is still that…words. The most important thing is not that the man has potential but THE CONVICTION IN YOU THAT GIVES YOU PEACE TO MARRY HIM WITH OR WITHOUT ANYTHING. Also, the fact that the fellow is rich today is not proof that he would remain rich….It boils down to convictions.

6 MARRY A PERSON YOU HAVE HAD PREMARITAL SEX WITH: 90 percent of the weddings aren’t really holy matrimony as they put on their wedding cards. God in His wisdom says to leave the bed undefiled. You in your so called wisdom say , ‘how can marry someone i have not tested?’. Tomorrow you want God to be involved in your marriage. How can that be? Do it God’s way….and you are marrying right. Do it the other way…and no matter how anyone wants to garnish it…you are marrying wrong.

There are a lot more. But feed on these for now.

MUST ONE MARRY A MAN BECAUSE YOU HAVE HIS CHILD?

GEORGE ESSIEN ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION 122

Good day George, how are you doing? i READ ALL your facebook post and your blog.Keep it up.Please I’ll love to get solutions or suggestions to this issue via your post.

My name is Osagede Martha, and I had a child for one Kunle when I was 18 and he was 23. That child has grown into a cute boy of 10yrs old, and we are still dating.

His family contributes to our upkeep. Recently I had to move in with my child to Kunle’s place, and since he isn’t making any plans of settling down yet due to the fact that he is striving to make a living (My people are aware of this).

Yet, he keeps reassuring me that soon he would marry me. On the other hand, other men have been making advances at me and quite a few have even proposed to me.

My Question is what are my chances of settling with Kunle? Should I still cling for the sake of the child or give in to my other suitors? There is this other man who is ready and willing to accept me and my son.

ANSWER:

You had a child for him out of wedlock therefore he is not your husband.I think u should leave his house…unless you really love him and think that he would eventually marry you.Better still, threaten him to leave so that he can go to your parents and finish it off no matter what.

Also you shouldnt have moved into his house.You just complicated matters the more.

If you think this new man can make for a good husband you can go for him…but you must tell him everything. Seek counsel from your pastor. Do this only after you have left the father of your child’s house.

I wish u the best