Wedding Rules You can BREAK!

There is no rule, even in the Bible, that says that you must give your wife a wedding ring. How about giving her a gold wedding necklace as your symbol of love? And she giving a cute wedding hand band?

There is no rule that says you must feed everyone at your wedding. Restrict your wedding IV. If you cannot afford to restrict it, don’t bother yourself about food going round. Work with 150 to 200. Your real people, the people who would give you special gifts, will not eat at your wedding.

There is no rule that says your wedding must be on a Saturday. How about on a Sunday? Or Wednesday(You will know those who truly love you). How about doing the traditional and white wedding on the same day?

There is no rule that says that your wedding must be in a church building? How about a beautiful Hotel? Or a pool side?How many of your church members come for the wedding ‘sef’? Don’t you notice that the church halls aren’t really filled at the church service? Have your wedding at the reception venue. Let the pastor come there and give a brief sermon and then wed you both. How many couples listen to the long message on that day ‘sef’?

There is no rule that says that your wedding must be in the morning. How about an evening wedding?

There is no rule that says that you must wear a white wedding gown. How about a cream coloured gown? Or lemon or sky blue or a beautiful shade of red?

DON’T TELL MY PASTOR

Akan came over to see me when he had really had it up to his neck. We sat at the office over 2 canned cokes as he told me his relationship ordeal. I had had to get him the drink to get him to chill. One could see that he was really worried.

“I met Emem in my Church”, he recounted his story almost regretfully. “She was in the ushering department so she was very noticeable. Her attitude was charming and really got my attention. When I asked her out, she told me to tell our pastor. I didn’t want to do. I thought we should know ourselves abit before I told my pastor. In reality, our pastor kicks against dating. He says dating is evil, that it is not in the bible and so being a daughter of this man of God she had to follow his precept.

“Well, I did without studying her or knowing who she was. When my pastor asked why I wanted to be around her, I had to say that I intended to marry her. We started our relationship, and pressure began to mount on me. To assure her, I met her mother and hinted my intentions to marry.

“Assured, Emem and I began to see regularly…and on one ocassion she came to my house and we both had sex. To be truthful, she did not want it to happen. I didn’t force her , though. We moved from heavy petting to sex. When she was done, she cried. She wasn’t a virgin but it did occur to me that she had abstained from sex for a long time. She told me that she would have to open up to our pastor. ‘open up ke’, I begged her not to tell our pastor and I promised her that I wouldn’t do it again.

“I was wrong. The next time we met, It happened again….and then again..and then again. Then one day she came and even asked for sex and I gave it to her. When we both get to church and hear what our pastor was saying about sex we would both feel guilty. Very guilty.

“But the sex was getting sweeter. We were bonding. I said to myself ,’this is the woman I must marry’. I could’t think of having sex with anyone else.I started making plans. I took her to my dad and my mother. Once she asked me ‘what if pastor asks whether we have had sex what would we say?’ I told her we would say no. After all, how are we so sure others were not doing it and pretending. Our pastor doesn’t wed people who have slept with each other. He also warned that anyone who allows him to wed them in lies would be cursed.

“Well, that is not all . Well, I was still worrying about that and thinking up ideas, when Emem came and told me she was pregnant.”

At this point I said aaaah.And then I asked, “Have you aborted it?”
“That is the fix I am in right now”, Akan told me. George, please help me.I can’t afford to tell my pastor. Emem is so depressed. She wants us to go and confess our sins.What do I do?”

Well, that just happened last week before I dashed into Lagos. Before I tell you what I told him, I would like to hear your views about the matter. Cheers.

IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT MARRIAGE SINGLES SHOULD KNOW

1) Everyone marries for one or more reasons. The reasons may be right or wrong, good or bad, but everyone marries to have need(s) met.
2) Competent men and competent women may marry for different reasons, or take different paths to meet the same need, such as acceptance.
3) Each spouse expects their needs to be met. Some newlyweds understand that marriage is a two-way street. Others marry only to have their own needs met. Most people marry to have a spouse. Fewer people marry to be a spouse.
4) Each spouse absorbs gender perspectives while growing up that they carry into marriage.
5) Each spouse carries expectations to have fulfilled, as demanded by their gender-group.
6) Men and women often think that the others’ reasons for marriage are selfish. This creates anger that can harm a marriage.
7) Every spouse is acquired either as a trophy, as a consolation prize, as a workhorse, as a punishment, or some combination thereof. The spouse that began as a trophy can become a mere consolation prize, slightly better than being alone. That’s when the marriage is most vulnerable. Less often, the consolation prize becomes a marvelous trophy.
8) Like it or not, every successful organization has a chain of command. A stable family is an organization. Every lasting marriage has a chain of command, no matter how gentle.
9) Having said that, marriage is not meant to be a master/slave relationship. It is meant to be a servant/servant relationship. As we said before, we marry to have needs met. We serve each other as we meet legitimate needs, and we serve each other by challenging unrealistic needs. Unrealistic needs means unhappiness for everyone.
10) Love is not the only glue in a marriage. Some people stay married because of religious beliefs, social or family pressures, the needs of the children, or because of money. A marriage is in a dangerous place when love isn’t the first reason to stay married.

SIGNS YOU ARE STILL MISSING YOUR EX

1. SOCIAL MEDIA LASHING: You trash talk him on twitter and Facebook.

2. OVERDRESSING AND OVERCOMPENSATING:
You dress up in hopes you will run into him and when you do see him, you make your life seem really awesome..because, obviously, you are better off without him and he should see what you are missing!

Yet, you have got to realize what you are missing in making him the center of your life.

3. YOU COMPARE EVERYONE TO HIM:
Even if you think you are ready to start dating again, every time you meet a new guy, you make a list of all the ways he doesn’t measure up to your ex. Once you are really over him, you will measure men on their own merits.

4. YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN THAT HOT DUDE GIVING YOU THE EYE:
You have men throwing themselves at you left and right, eager to love the pain away. When you ex calls, however, you pick up right away.

5. YOU STILL CYBER STALK HIM:
The other day you while you wandering about Facebook, you noticed that a cute girl had left a flirtatious message on your ex wall. So you attempted to hack into her Facebook account, and scoured the Facebook pages of your ex’s mom, sister and grand mother for even the subtlest mention of either you or a new romance. I want you to know: This is unhealthy…and possibly illegal.

6. YOU ARE STILL HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EX:
You still meet to have sex. Ex sex isn’t always a terrible idea..but it usually is. If you have recently broken up, you can’t have sex and expect that you won’t remain emotionally involved. So, straighten up.

7. YOU STILL HABOUR THE (NOT SO) SECRET FANTASY THAT THE TWO OF YOU STILL HAVE A FUTURE TOGETHER:
And this misguided belief is keeping you from living life or at least giving anyone new a chance to love you. While no one can really know what the future holds, it’s best to remember that break ups happen for a reason..And often, that reason was a good one. If you are holding back on your future, it is likely that you are stuck in the past.

Going through a terrible relationship break up can appear so crushing. You might believe you will never ever get over them. Or that your life will never be the same again. Although those feelings are very real in the first place, there is no reason to believe that you can’t get over it and move on.

Begin with closure.When a relationship comes to a horrible end, particularly if you are the one that was dumped just about all people need and require closure. This means that you have acknowledged the reality that relationship is over and you are ready to go on. You need to say it out loud and in your mind that the relationship is finished and believe it. If you believe there is a chance that you will get back together with your ex you will never be able to go on with your life.

Finger Painting Girls!

They are everywhere!

All they know how to do is look good. They can’t cook, are not domesticated, and want to rule a man in the household.

Everything about them is artificial. Their breast is artificial. Their nails are artificial. Their eye lashes are artificial. Even their attitude is artificial.

They claim to be career women…when actually they use career to hide their non feminine, non ‘wify’ tendencies.

If they get married…they rule the home.

Smart guys spot them quickly and avoid them.

Is finger painting bad? Well, no if it is done moderately. Beyond the finger painting and good looks, a wife should be able to juggle well between her career and her home

SHOULD I ACCEPT HIS PROPOSAL NOW?

GEORGE ESSIEN ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION 149

My name is Itoro Effiong. I’m through with with my University education and I am presently working.The person who proposed marriage to me is doing his NYSC and just got a scholarship to go abroad for his Masters.He insists he wants to get married to me before going abroad. I love him, though.The issue is that this guy was actually sponsored by my parents through his University education. My parents know that we are close but don’t know of his intention to marry me before he goes for his Masters.

Please advice me on the kind of decision to make. I want to know the kind of decision to make in this case. Should I accept his proposal for marriage or allow him to go and come back?

ANSWER:

It is obvious that he loves you and wants to give you assurance that he is yours. It all depends on how much you love him. You may proceed with the marriage. At the same time, you may wish to tell him that you would wait for him. Afterall, the Masters program will not go beyond 1 or 2 years.

So pray about it. Which ever decision you make will end up being good, especially when you are sure he is the kind of man that you would want to settle with. All the best.

THE BEST OF SINGLES’ QUOTES BY GEORGE ESSIEN – PART 1

When a woman becomes a wife in attitude and character,HER HUSBAND SHOWS UP.The reason why most women are not married on time is because they are not yet wives; they are still girls.

Men marry wives,but sleep with girls.

Don’t marry from where you are coming from; marry from where you are going to

Don’t ignore the signs.Address them quickly.
Confrontation reveals character.It is the platform for the display of emotional maturity

Don’t marry a ‘dutiful’ wife…..marry A FRIEND.

God tests every relationship at the point of its motive.

She WON’T GROW SLIMMER in the future.If your preference is for slim,sleek ladies, go for that.And if it is for fat, round ladies,go for that.That lady won’t add weight in the future…In fact, LOOK AT HER MOTHER AND YOU CAN DETERMINE HOW SHE WOULD LOOK LIKE PHYSICALLY

Don’t marry anyone if you are NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED to the person.
Don’t spiritualize everything.Physical chemistry is important TOO

DON’T pray in the same room with your fiance(e).That is not being spiritual.That is foolishness.You will end up both having sex!There is a thin line between SPIRITUALITY and SEXUALITY.Both are intercourse.

Avoid dating people who want you to handle their emotional issues. The moment you send yourself on a rescue mission that relationship is doomed for failure.

When a man marries a GOOD WIFE, he is very happy;
When he marries a BAD WIFE, HE BECOMES A PHILOSOPHER
Be careful who you marry.

If you are a lady past 30 and now desperately moving from one singles program to the other, I really don’t pity you. Your husband showed up in your 20s but he didnt look like it and you ignored him.No pity, girl.

A man can love a woman and not have sex with her; and yet not love a woman and still ‘enjoy’ sex with her.
Not so with a woman. Most women have sex with men they love; or have sex with a man and then expect the man to ‘love’ them.

Love is not just a feeling, it is a knowledge; a knowledge that grows over time. Feelings fluctuate and are not too dependable.If you are ever in doubt whether you love that person, give it time.Time reveals true love

Remember that WIFE means

W – Wonderful
I – Investment
F – For
E – Enjoyment

SELFISHNESS from either one of the couple is responsible for any sour relationship. Wherever or whenever there is a break up or divorce,check closely PRIDE played a major role.

People who have been hurt,hurt others.People who have been loved ,love others

The THREAT and FEAR of break up is more tormenting than the ACTUAL break up

It’s foolishness to disconnect from your friends because you are in a relationship with someone.If the person takes a walk,what would you do without your friends?

When peace is replaced with doubt in your heart concerning that relationship,then God is saying something.It’s time to pause and think.

Love means many things.But one thing I know love isn’t is that love isnt uncertain

Some people don’t deserve the love you give them.Give no person your heart, only your head until you are married.

Don’t run away from confrontation. A confrontation will give you revelation. To walk away or to continue becomes clearer. Too much quarrel that ends with physical abuse is a danger sign. It is saying , ‘Quit!’

Young man, don’t marry a woman that cannot COOK.

HOW TO ATTRACT A QUALITY WOMAN

Forget those traditional means of getting a flower or singing a song to woo a girl. The modern day woman looks for a complete package. Yes, that’s true! From good looks to great wealth, a woman wants it all. For attracting a woman, you need to be a man of her desires. The first important thing is to dress well. Making your presence felt among the crowd is a part of how to attract women. No matter what, a handsome man always makes her drool. Also smell fantastically. Do not overdo it. Smell just the right amount.

Look Good, Stand out Smart & Witty Too:

Well, do not think that only appearance is what attracts a woman. You must be equally wanting when you open your mouth. Women prefer smarter men to dumb. A bit of humor works the best! Moreover, you must be smart enough to put forward your opinions. Women like educated, bold and passionate men. Merely cribbing about what you have lost and living in the days gone by, shoos women away from your company. Moreover, who likes to unnecessary carry the burden of someone else’s emotions?

On the other hand, strong does not only refer to the mind, but you must be physically fit to turn her eyes on you. A healthy man speaks how well-to-do he is. To attract her you must carve out a striking personality. Instill a positive attitude in you and when you go and talk to her, ooze out your charm. Independent thinking and broad mindedness immensely attracts that quality woman to your side.

Every time you step out, make sure to groom yourself well. An unkempt man is a complete no-no to a woman. It is obvious to guess how she would feel to roam around with a mess beside her. Remain clean, flash you sparkling teeth and keep your hair well trimmed. Though the messy look is in, a messy man isn’t!

It is not impossible to gauge exactly how to attract women; instead you only need to be smarter for real! Do not understimate the woman. When you are talking to one, be what you are. Do not fake to be someone you are not. The moment she comes to know about your real self, you will end up losing her instantly. Yes, success and wealth matters to a woman but not dishonesty and fraud.

Carelessness is not liked by women. Here and there a cracking of jokes or fun activity once or twice is fine, but in general, you must have a sense of discipline in life. You must respect others around you and also be equally respected. A renowned man is loved by a quality woman .

Treat Her Like A Princess:

Most importantly, respect the woman in your life. Be a good listener when she has something to share with you. Give her your time and show how valuable she is. You are not required to get the moon or stars for her. Just make her realize what importance she has in your life. Certainly women love being pampered by their lovers. But that does not mean you become clingy or listen to everything she has to say. Sometimes you need to let your opinion surface. Women like men who are able to ascertain themselves and get their work done rather than giving up.

Thus it is not difficult either as to how to get a girl to like you. The funda lies with you and how original as yourself can you be. Make her realize that you have all the energy in you – to be rock solid. This definitely works with independent women.

Show her how daringly confident and romantic you are!

HOW TO COPE WITH A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

Keeping a relationship vibrant and healthy when you live in the same area is challenging enough. But when couples are separated by geographical distance, it puts extra strain on the partnership. Issues surrounding trust,commitment,communication, and finances are exacerbated and complicated in long-distance relationships. Here are eight strategies that can help you thrive in a long-distance relationship.

1. Define the parameters – together.

Sit down together and map out this new long-distance arrangement. For each of you, what are your concerns? How often will you visit? What about relationship worries, such as intimacy, jealousy and trust? Get everything out into the open from the get-go so you can both begin this new adventure on the same footing.

2. See its benefits and look at the upside.

One or both of you may feel distressed about this unwelcome separation. One way to transform your negative outlook is to “reframe” the situation. That is, try to view the long-distance relationship in a positive light. How might living apart for a finite amount of time be beneficial? For example, you’ll have more time to do your own thing. You won’t take each other for granted. Your reunions will be sexy and exciting. It’s a vertical career move. And so on. See if you can each come up with at least three benefits.

3. Make a future plan.

Ask your partner: Where do you see us in one year? How about five years? Talk about what each of you can do, in the context of living apart, that will make this future vision come true. Having shared goals is one of the keys to a happy relationship, and doing this activity subtly reminds each of you that you’re working as a team. Living in separate homes does not mean you have to lead separate lives and have separate futures.

4. Establish frequent and regular contact.

Set up regular phone or Skype dates. Communicate every day, more than once, if possible. It’s critically important, when two people are unable to have physical intimacy, to maintain an emotional bond.
Even if your partner isn’t really a “talker,” find ways to stay in touch. If she hates being on the phone, then email, text or instant message each other.
Share your little triumphs and tragedies, or just something funny that happened during the day.Ask about each other’s day. Get to know what a “day in the life” of your partner looks like.

5. Schedule face time.

Talking, video chatting and writing are all great. But to maintain a romantic relationship, you need to make the time to see each other face-to-face.
Together, go over your work, family and other obligations and then schedule times when you’ll visit. It’s also important for the stay-at-home partner to visit the relocated one so that he or she has more than a verbal description of the partner’s
other home, city and favorite haunts.

6. Don’t keep secrets.

Transparency and inclusion are the two most important defenses against jealously, suspicion, and paranoia. Tell your partner about the people in your life. Don’t omit events or interactions simply because they might inspire a twinge of jealousy. It’s natural that each of you will experience loneliness from time to time. But you can keep yourself from acting on it – and keep your partner from worrying
that you will – by disclosing your feelings andgiving lots of details about your life.

7. Keep reinventing the romance.

This is my favorite strategy, because it’s the one that’s the most fun and rewarding. Surprise your partner with a love letter or a gift. Send him a spontaneous email Keep each other smiling.

A LOVE LETTER OF FELA DUROTOYE(LEADING SPEAKER & CONSULTANT) TO TARA DUROTOYE( NIGERIA’S NUMBER 1 MAKE UP ARTIST & CONSULTANT)

Tara my darling,

Let me quickly confess that the idea to write you a public love letter is Debbie’s idea but I think it’s a great one! The lady’s is simply brilliant.

The contents of the letter on the other hand, come straight from my heart and I hope it pleasantly surprises you as much as the thought excites me as I write.

As my pen meets the paper, my mind travels back a few years to July 1999, just before we started dating. We were walking down together along Ilabere Avenue, Ikoyi, just as the sun was setting and we were playing those mind games “what do you want in a marriage?”

I remember how startled you were when I told you that I was going to be a HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL HUSBAND OF A HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL WIFE. At that time, you mentioned how the world thinks this is impossible, either the husband succeeds and the wife does not or vise-versa. I remember you told me how intimidated most men could be with highly successful wives. “But ………….”, you said with a smile.

Well my darling, time has proven me right …… Today, God has been fantastic and wonderful to us both and not only have we been blessed with great success in both our endeavors, I strongly believe that the greatest success we’ve seen so far is in the beauty of our marriage.

I mean every word when people ask me all over the world what my best decision has been and I reply “it’s following God’s instruction to ask you to marry me”. You are the greatest of God’s blessings to me ………….., more than life itself.

I keep saying that no other woman could have been meant for me. How many women do you know that would marry a guy in a boy’s quarter that serves as a bedroom and office at the same time? Not many, if any would
bet their life on a man who had not much more than a great vision of his future.

Tara darling, almost everyday you say that, I’m the best husband that any woman could have asked for but quite frankly, I think you make the best man that I can possibly be.

You’ve been my best friend since the first time we spoke while I was on that Phillips Consulting assignment to Bauchi. Four years later and you are still my best friend and closest confidant today. It’s amazing!

We’ve defied the law of “love fades away’. With you, it’s LOVE GROWS. I don’t know how you make me but I find myself waking up each day loving you more. You know it’s true every time I tell you that I love you greatly but I also like you amazingly. Remember the text I sent to you on how much just speaking to you on the phone is like oxygen? Perhaps, that’s why we call each other every hour we are not together.

(Just for your information dear reader, I just took a 3-minute break to take Tara’s call. She just wanted to hear my voice and tell me she loves me. See what I’m saying?) How could I not be a fantastic husband to such an incredible wife? I really don’t have any other options do I?

My darling, this is just to let you and the whole world know that the last three years since we’ve been married have been the most wonderful of my life and it keeps getting better each passing year. It is true when the Bible says, “the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter …………” I love how we rededicate our vows each year. You are the best birthday present God ever gave me.

(Dear reader, Tara and I got married on my 30th birthday)
And how can I thank you enough for those two wonderful boys you’ve given me? I wonder what I’ll do when my daughter arrives. Get ready for unprecedented pampering.

I think with excitement of how we will grow old graciously together. Every time I think of you in your seventies, it puts a smile on my face. I’m sure you’ll be the funkiest 70-year old chick on the face of the planet. And you can be sure I’ll be the grooviest 76-year old bloke to ‘represent’.

Our children need to watch out for this ‘never grow old ‘ lovebirds they call their parents but the real trip for me is that we’re chosen to be role models for our future generations and I think we are well on our way to doing this.
You know I always say that a husbandman is a ‘Grooms’man, a gardener who tends his plant (his wife) into a beautiful vineyard. That is where a ‘Grooms’man differs from a ‘hunter’. The hunter takes a beautiful thing and kills it but the ‘Grooms’man takes a seed and tends it into an incredibly beautiful garden.

I am committed to working with God to bring out the best you that God has put in you. I am determined on seeing all of God’s dreams for you come to pass. Today, it’s House of Tara, in a short while, the WORLD OF TARA would soon become a reality, the multi-national empire that reveals the real beauty in every woman from the four corners of the world.

The WORLD OF TARA is truly a beautiful world where every woman has been Tara-rized into the beautiful queens and princesses that God made them to be. I wont reveal the strategy, but you can trust God it will be real.

It’s amazing how real you have remained despite all the hype. Stay real girl because the world hasn’t seen anything like what the Lord is about to do through your life. Mary Kay would rise to salute you on the day of rapture.
My darling, I remember that night in Jo’burg, South Africa back in October, 1999 standing alone in God’s presence and asking him about you. He had asked me to read through Proverbs 31 woman and as I read through, your image was being captured from the pages of the scriptures.

I’m convinced God had you in mind when he inspired the writing of Proverbs 31’s wife of noble character.

I am so happy to praise you publicly and say, “many women do noble things, but you surpass them all”. Indeed, Tara is a woman who fears the Lord, therefore, dear reader; join me to give her the reward she’s earned.
I love you baby, for the rest of my life.

With all my love in my heart,

Your husband,